Calcutta Weather Update
Calcutta braces for a scorching week as temperatures soar to 37°C with rising humidity and dry westerly winds. A heatwave is expected to grip parts of Bengal—brace for sweat, sun, and sleepless nights.
Well, it’s official: the sun has decided to park itself right over Calcutta and turn up the gas like it’s cooking a full English breakfast. According to the Met Office — who rarely bring good news, mind you — we’re in for a proper roasting this week. Think more Thar, less Darjeeling.
The mercury is on the rise and by the middle of the week, temperatures are expected to flirt with 37 degrees Celsius. And if you thought that was bad, spare a thought for the poor souls in the western districts — they’ll be sweating it out at a steamy 40 degrees or more. Honestly, it’s enough to make a egg fry sunny side up (pun definitely intended).
To be fair, April’s been playing nice so far. Comparatively speaking, it’s been as gentle as a grandmother’s hug. Last year, by this time, we were already halfway to becoming human toast. Calcutta had hit the dreaded 40-degree mark more than once, and the districts were reeling from wave after wave of blistering heat. This year, we were quietly enjoying a bit of cloud cover and the occasional breeze. But alas, all good things must come to an end — usually just when you’ve put the kettle on.
Come Sunday, the sun gave us a cheeky wink and said, “Right, no more Mr Nice Guy.” The sky cleared up like it was preparing for a royal visit, and temperatures started inching upwards like an overachiever in a spelling bee. Alipore clocked in at 35°C, which is just about par for the course, but Dum Dum and its neighbours might find themselves resembling roast chicken by midweek.
And let’s not even get started on the humidity. On Sunday, the minimum relative humidity stood at a staggering 61 per cent. Which basically meant that even if you stood stock still under a fan, you’d still end up drenched like you’ve just run a marathon with a woolly jumper on. The Met chap confirmed our worst fears: the RealFeel was 42 degrees. Forty-bloody-two! That’s not weather, that’s punishment.
The coming days are expected to be scorchers — hot, dry, and thoroughly unpleasant. Dry westerlies will sweep through, but don’t expect much relief at night either. The mercury’s expected to hover around 28 degrees after sunset. The only thing sleeping in this weather is the electric meter after it’s passed out from exhaustion.
Thunderstorms did grace parts of north and south Bengal last week, and Calcutta even got a decent splash on Thursday — enough to make you believe in miracles again. But the Met’s latest crystal ball reading says it’s “dry weather” across south Bengal till the 26th. That’s a full week of wishing you were born an Eskimo.
Sunday was no picnic either. The political party had the bright idea of calling a rally at the Brigade Parade Grounds — a lovely idea if you fancy being poached alive. Meanwhile, street vendors selling lemonade and ice cream were having the best day of their lives. Every other person was lining up to part with their cash for a bit of frosty respite. Frankly, if you weren’t selling cold drinks, you really missed a trick.
So what’s the game plan, then? Sunscreen, sunglasses, a stiff upper lip — and possibly a portable fan surgically attached to your forehead. Stay indoors if you can, keep your pets cool, and please, for the love of iced tea, don’t wear denim.
Calcutta, brace yourself — it’s going to be one hell of a sweaty ride. And remember: if you can’t take the heat… well, neither can we.
I am off to Darjeeling.
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