Divine Scams Unlimited
In a witty celestial satire echoing Orwell’s “Animal Farm”, divine politics unfold in Indralok, Yamlok, and Pretlok.
Who knew I will end up writing on this divine scam. But before that….
“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”- George Orwell (Animal Farm).
Prologue:
Millions of light years away from the mortal realm, where gods sip nectar and demons plot their schemes, exists a celestial system with an uncanny resemblance to Earth’s democracies. This is a place where power, corruption, and bureaucratic antics join hands to create a divine tandav which the mortals below can resonate with. This is the celestial abode of Indra, where the King of the Gods rules with a golden thunder, engaged in a perpetual juggle of development projects, divine subsidies, and celestial elections.
Governance, dear readers is not a child’s play, even for the king of the gods. When the typhoon of scandal threatens the celestial skies, when the dead creates unrest in Yamlok, and when the demonic souls of Pretlok protest against ‘unequal corruption rights,’ the mortals in power below smirks and chuckles.
Scene I : Indralok – The Heaven of Democracy
(A grand assembly is in progress in Indra Sabha. Lord Indra, dressed in a fine silk dhoti, golden crown slightly tilted, sits on his throne, nervously sipping Amrit from a goblet. The air is filled with the scent of sandalwood and, unexpectedly, burning cash.)
Indra (nervously): Devarshi Narad, why are there constant protests outside my palace? Every time I step out, someone is throwing garlands filled with hidden complaints at me!
Narad (grinning mischievously): Narayan Narayan! O mighty King Indra, the people of Swarglok are furious about the ‘Cloud Allocation Scam.’ They say that rain is being distributed unfairly!
Indra (wiping sweat): That’s preposterous! I follow a simple system—clouds go where my allies… umm… I mean, where it is ‘strategically beneficial’ to rain.
Varun Dev (goddess of water, barging in): Strategic? My foot! You’ve been giving free monsoon showers to the Gandharvas in exchange for singing praises of your rule! Meanwhile, Rishis are doing yagnas for a single drop of rain! This is injustice!
Indra: Now, now, let’s not get sentimental! You must understand, divine resources need proper ‘planning’!
Yama (entering grandly with his black buffalo): Planning? Indra, even I, the Lord of Death, have better record-keeping than you. And my files are literally set on fire every day in Yamlok!
(Narad chuckles and strums his Veena.)
Narad: Oh, Lord Yama, don’t mock Indra. He has a democratic system in place, stop grumbling about favouritism and scams for all!
Indra: That’s enough, Narad! I am running a government, not some ‘Dharma Sabha’! Now, let’s discuss development projects in Indralok.
Kubera (God of Wealth, adjusting his golden chains): Speaking of development, Indra, I heard about your ambitious ‘Golden Pushp Vatika Project’? A divine garden worth ten trillion celestial gold coins?
Indra (coughing): Ah, yes, yes! We are making Swarglok a paradise again! Flowers with in-built cooling systems, benches that float, and apsaras with digital attendance! It’s an investment in celestial happiness!
Narad (raising an eyebrow): But Lord Indra, people say the budget was ten times the original estimate. The garden is still barren, and the only flowers blooming are in your backyard!
Indra (flustered): That’s absurd! The funds were ‘divinely utilized.’ Besides, you should focus on Yamlok’s issues. I hear there are ghosts protesting mismanagement there.
Scene II : Yamlok – The Death Valley of Bureaucracy
(In the courtroom of Yamlok, Yamraj is seated with Chitragupta, his overworked assistant, who is drowning in paperwork. A crowd of ghosts is shouting slogans.)
Ghost 1: Justice for the wrongly sentenced!
Ghost 2: Stop VIP treatment for rich sinners!
Yamraj (slamming his mace on the ground): Silence! What is all this ruckus?
Chitragupta (tiredly): My Lord, there’s been a ‘ledger scam.’ Some corrupt yamdoots have been ‘reassigning’ people’s karmic records in exchange for bribes. Sinners are ending up in heaven while saints are being sent to Pretlok!
Yamraj (thunderstruck): What?! How is this possible?
Ghost 3 (grumbling): I was a saintly sage! But some demon bribed an officer, and now I’m sharing a cell with a corrupt politician from Prithvi Lok!
Demon (smirking): Heh, it’s called ‘influence,’ my dear sage. Even death is negotiable these days!
Narad (appearing suddenly): Narayan Narayan! What an efficient system, Yama! You’ve truly democratized afterlife management. Even Swarglok doesn’t have this level of flexibility!
Yamraj (angrily): This is outrageous! Call the culprits!
(A guilty-looking yamdoot shuffles forward, head bowed.)
Yamdoot (muttering): My Lord, please forgive me! But sinners pay so well! Why should only Indralok have economic reforms? We too have ‘incentives’ now.
Yamraj (furious): Incentives?! I’ll ‘incentivize’ you with a 100-year punishment in Pretlok!
(Narad chuckles.)
Narad: Oh dear, dear Yamraj! Don’t be so harsh. Perhaps we should privatize hell? Outsource it to Pretlok? It might be profitable!
(Yamraj glares at Narad, but the idea seems to intrigue Kubera, who is making secret notes.)
Scene III : Pretlok – The Ultimate Dumping Ground
(Pretlok is filled with exiled souls, corrupt politicians, and rejected demons. The air is thick with complaints and conspiracy theories.)
Demon 1: We demand better facilities! Even Indralok prisoners live better than us!
Demon 2: Pretlok is the worst! No schemes, no subsidies, and no scams we can profit from!
Narakasura (leader of Pretlok): Silence, everyone! We will draft a manifesto and demand reforms!
Narad (popping in suddenly): Reforms? Oh, so you want elections now?
Demon 3: Why not? If Indra can be re-elected despite scams, why not us?
Yamraj (scoffing): And what will your agenda be? ‘Equal corruption opportunities for all’?
Demon 1 (grinning): Why not? At least we’d be transparent about it!
(Kubera suddenly stands up, adjusting his golden rings.)
Kubera: Actually, this is an excellent idea! I propose a celestial financial model for Pretlok! If we invest now, we can develop Pretlok into a ‘Divine Tax Haven’!
Indra (intrigued): Hmm… Maybe we can allocate some ‘development funds’ for it. Of course, a small percentage will be… managed accordingly.
Narad (laughing): Oh, Lord Indra, you are a true leader! Even hell isn’t safe from your economic policies!
Epilogue: The Great Celestial Election
(A celestial election is held, with various gods, demons, and bureaucrats campaigning.)
Indra’s campaign: “More Clouds, More Wealth, More Happiness!”
Yamraj’s campaign: “Justice for All! No More VIP Karmic Deals!”
Pretlok Party’s campaign: “Corruption for Everyone, Not Just the Elite!”
(The election results? As expected, Indra wins. Again.)
Indra (grinning): Ah, democracy! The system might be flawed, but it works perfectly for me!
Narad (playing his Veena): Narayan Narayan! Indeed, democracy in Indralok is just like Prithvi Lok where pr
omises are divine, but delivery… well, that’s another story!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, divine or actual events is purely coincidental and unintentional.
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