Who needs a driving license if you have a BJP sticker?
A satirical look at the absurdity of road accidents and justice in India, where a biker loses his life due to reckless driving, and the driver (mind you without a license) escapes with spot bail and questionable legal consequences.
Ah, the great Indian roadways—where chaos reigns supreme, and the rules of the road seem as elusive as a decent cup of tea in a motorway café. Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m all for a bit of organised chaos. It gives life that little sprinkle of unpredictability, a bit like when you pop down to the shops for a pint of milk and accidentally buy six pints of gin instead. But when it comes to driving, a smidgen of predictability wouldn’t go amiss.
Let’s begin with our protagonist, young Akshat Garg. Out for a lovely early morning bike ride, probably with dreams of coffee, camaraderie, and perhaps a cheeky biscuit or two. But instead of a serene journey down Golf Course Road, what does he encounter? The Grim Reaper in a Mahindra XUV, driving on the wrong side of the road as if he’s just popped out of a movie scene of a Bollywood movie and forgotten that real life has, well, consequences.
The poor lad. One minute, he’s cruising along with his mate Pradhuman, probably chatting about life’s greatest mysteries—like why on earth everyone suddenly started eating veg biryani when it is meant to be a mutton dish —and the next moment, he’s airborne, courtesy of our villain, Kuldeep Kumar, who, as it turns out, possesses the driving skills of a particularly intoxicated badger.
Kuldeep, of course, hails from Madhubani, Bihar, and now from Gurugram. A lovely place, I’m sure, but it seems the rules of the road he learnt might differ ever so slightly from the rest of the universe. Wrong side of the road? Sure! Speeding? Why not! And, oh, driving without a valid license? Just part of the fun, darling. After all, who needs a license when you’ve got a BJP sticker slapped on your windscreen, right? It’s practically a golden ticket to lawlessness. “Do what you like, old chap! Fancy a race down the motorway while sipping a chai? Go on, treat yourself!”
Now, you’d think, after mowing down an innocent biker, the next logical step for Kuldeep might be, oh, I don’t know, showing a bit of remorse? A smidgen of guilt? Perhaps a heartfelt apology? But no, this chap goes straight to Plan B: trying to retroactively acquire a driving license. Yes, you heard that right—after the accident. I mean, it’s a bit like turning up to a wedding with the rings after the divorce, but who am I to judge? We’ve all had those last-minute, panic-induced decisions, haven’t we?
And, of course, justice is swift and decisive, isn’t it? Well, sort of. Kuldeep was given spot bail at the police station. I repeat: spot bail. For, you know, killing someone. But don’t worry, folks. The system is very fair. He’ll probably be asked to write a strongly worded essay on “Why Driving on the Correct Side of the Road is a Good Idea” or perhaps “10 Reasons Why Killing People Is Generally Frowned Upon.”
This reminds me of that recent incident in Pune where a 17-year-old with the alcohol tolerance of a seasoned pirate decided to hop behind the wheel after a night of drinking that would put Captain Haddock to shame. He drives, crashes, kills two people—and the punishment? Writing an essay. I’m sure the families of the victims are over the moon with that decision. “Well, at least he’s learned his lesson through the power of the written word.”
It seems that in India, if you’re rich, powerful, or have the right political connections, you’re essentially bulletproof. The rest of us mere mortals? Well, we’ll just have to settle for staying on the right side of the road and hoping we don’t become part of someone else’s “unfortunate” accident.
So there you have it—a fine tale of modern justice, where an innocent lad loses his life, the perpetrator waltzes off with little more than a slap on the wrist, and we’re all left wondering whether, next time, it might be safer to just walk… on a different planet.
In the meantime, folks, buckle up, stay on the correct side of the road, and remember: in India, you don’t need a license to drive, just a sticker. Cheers!
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