Push the guilt aside and plunge into those little moments of living that brings you joy. Life coach Swarnali Dey spotlights the importance of making yourself happy—after all, happiness truly matters!
Is happiness difficult? Is attaining that state of mind seems too out of reach???
Let’s take a look. Happiness is a state. It is a feeling that all of us try to embrace; however, we sometimes feel it is unattainable. We ignore a significant fact: we try to attain happiness from our outer environment rather than inculcating it from within. Our happiness becomes dependent on our spouses, our children, our friends, our other relationships. We are so engrossed in making others happy that we involuntarily ignore ourselves and neglect what truly makes us happy. It could be simple things like writing a journal or caressing the beautiful flowers on your balcony, or just listening to your favourite song and humming to yourself, or just cooking what you really want to cook!!! It could be a myriad of things that we love doing, but self-neglect has just put a layer of responsibilities over them.
To top it all, whenever we find some time for ourselves, we start feeling guilty. Guilty about the thought that we could have used this time to do some more household chores, focus more on the project at work, spend more time with our children, etc. And then we carry on this guilt trip for so long that we don’t realise when and where we have lost ourselves. It might amaze some of us that we can’t even remember what we wanted to be when we began our journey through this maze of life once we start introspecting. So, what happens??? We give a wry smile and say to ourselves.
’This is life’. But, have we ever questioned ourselves, even if for once… ‘Am I happy doing all these that I have been doing for so long?’ ‘Do I really feel passionate about what I am doing throughout the day?’ ‘Can I instinctively blurt out to myself that what I do today is what I always wanted to do?’
Over a period of time, I have realised that until and unless I am truly happy from within, I would simply be doing injustice to all my relationships. I can never truly make anybody happy. I started taking 100% responsibility for my life. I realised that truly understanding my strengths and working on them to improve myself would actually be a boon for all my relationships, be it at home or work. I initially focussed on small things which would not have big impacts. And when this started making my life easier, I built upon the more challenging tasks. I always kept in mind that I had to be responsible for the consequences of my actions. So even if I had to say sorry when I stumbled, I said so and said it genuinely. These small changes have literally helped me become a better version of myself. I no longer am dependent on others to be happy. I am so awesome from within that no negativity can touch me. I can say that I am today ‘A Queen Bee’, ‘A Warrior Princess’, ‘A Kind Angel’ and ‘A Divine Feminine. All of these avatars in me has come from practice and needs to be honed consciously and religiously.
Here is what works:
- Writing a gratefulness journal every morning. Even being grateful for three little things in life
- Writing my affirmations.
- Refocusing on finding my inner peace rather than trying to change other’s opinions of me
- Practicing the art of saying ‘NO’. Saying no doesn’t mean I am disrespecting anyone; it is prioritising myself first so that I am in a space where I can help the other person better, later
- Doing one thing every day, which I am really passionate about; gardening, reading a book, singing at the top of my voice. Sounds crazy!!!??? Hey, it’s okay to be crazy!!!
My happiness is mine. I am the architect of my happiness, and I will rejoice in it.
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An MBA from Assam University, Swarnali has been in the corporate for the last 17 years. Currently, she is also pursuing life coaching, as her chosen niche is Happiness. She resides in Hyderabad.